Lately I have been thinking about the journey and essentially how “the journey” is my life. A lot of people I know are so focused on what I am going to call “the end game”. There really is no end game, unless you see death as the end game but this isn’t the end game that they are focused on. They’re focused on the marriage, the house, family, money, career etc. In my opinion, none of those things are the end game and there really is no end game. There is no point in life where we stop doing what we want because we have achieved it all. The more we achieve, the more we want. It doesn’t end until we do.
How many people do you know that are truly happy? I can count the happy people in my life on one hand. The reality is that every moment has the potential to be my last. At some point, I am going to die and I am not going to waste this precious time being hung up on some trivial shit that at the end of my life, will not matter. If you want to be happy, choose happiness. Wake up every day and choose to be happy and fuck the bullshit. Do you, do what you want to do.
Every second, the world keeps moving and it stops for no one and everyday the whole world comes together to make sure I am alive. Think about how many times you know you could have died, the car accident, the time you were nearly hit by a truck, when you barely escaped drowning. How many times did you barely escape death and have no idea? There are so many times during my life where I could have died and for some reason I am still alive. It breaks my brain to think that at any given moment, I could die. My life could be over. It’s not a normal thought to have and I think it should be. If you were to die today, would you be happy with your short life? If you knew the date of your expiration what would you do differently?
In 10 years from now, life will be very different. For example, each time I think about going back to New Zealand, my heart gets heavy and my stomach sinks. I start to get an eerie vibe because I know that it is in no way the same place it was when I left nine years ago. The places I would frequent in the city as a teenager no longer exist. The roads have changed, the people are different and there is so much I don’t know about the city I once called home. Each time I go back to Perth, things have changed and people have moved on. You never know when your last time will be.
When I moved from Christchurch to Perth in 2008, I thought that I would go back every year and things would always be how they used to. In 2009 when I went back, my friends had changed and in some ways, grown apart. Peoples lives were different and it felt gloomy. In 2011 I went back twice, the first time was just weeks before the February quake and the second was mere weeks after for a wedding which was one of the strangest experiences of my life. Celebrating life and the beginning of a new journey when the city was cordoned off with red tape, the people were depressed, stressed and anxiously waiting for the next big after shock. Things had definitely changed. I haven’t been back to the city that I once called home since 2011. 2011 could be the last time that I visit that place, you never know.
Life isn’t isn’t the things we own or the big goals we achieve, it is made up of all the little moments in between. The micro that becomes the macro. Every single day is one small part of my life. When I am old and reflecting on my journey, I am going to remember the little things that may seem insignificant now but at that point in life, the smaller moments will be the most significant ones. The sunsets with loved ones, the movie dates with William. The cuddles that William gives me every morning and the meals we share together every day. The hours that my sister, Nicholle and I spend on the phone watching funny cat videos and looking at dreamy home wares on Pinterest. Exploring new places, just me and my camera. Those are the moments I will cherish and reminisce about when I am older, so why not enjoy them now? I would hate to be 80, thinking about my life wishing I had enjoyed it more or been present in my fucking life more often.
At some point, hopefully when I am old and asleep, I am going to die so I figure I should enjoy the journey while it lasts. This is my life and I want to fucking live it, for me and not anyone else.
As Ferris Bueller once said “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”