Trusting Yourself

If I had to pick a narrative for my life over the past month, it would be “trust your intuition”. I don’t know if this happens for other people but I dream things, then they happen. And then I think to myself “I fucking knew that would happen and should have known better.” Hindsight is a bitch.

It’s not only dreams where I get warnings, I also get those super strong feelings in my gut where I know I should do something or should make a certain decision. For example, I went to Queensland last month and for the week and a bit prior I was trying to think up a valid enough excuse to get out of the holiday. I couldn’t conjure up a valid excuse so I just let it slide. My feeling did not go away. I cried my eyes out two evenings before I was due to fly out and had so much anxiety about the trip.

Fast forward to the first evening of the trip. I had a dream that something extremely impactful and dramatic happened and it tarnished the remainder of my holiday. I woke up in the morning and told my friend who assured me it would never happen. Fast forward to that evening, and my dream played out like a perfectly scripted movie. The holiday, just like in my dream, wasn’t too pleasant after that experience.

More recently, I dreamt that I was going to be made redundant at my work and not a week later, I was sat across the table being told that my role was being made redundant. Sure, this was a long time coming however everyone I spoke with told me that I was crazy to think that and they could never get rid of my role. I also feel like in a way I manifested this because when I started this role, I told William that come April 2017, I will have either resigned from this role or will be let go. It was just a gut feeling that I had so I think it is a combination of gut feeling and believing it so much that it manifested or, maybe my gut was right. I feel like this is tip-toeing into confirmation bias territory.

There are many more examples, however these two are very fresh in my mind. A question that came to mind with all of these experiences is why do I not trust my gut? Every time I have trusted it, I have come out on top. After three weeks of William and I dating, I knew I wanted to marry him so he proposed and before we knew it, we were engaged. I know how insane that sounds and five years later, we are still together and couldn’t be happier with our relationship. This is the perfect example of me trusting my intuition.

I have thought about an answer to why I don’t trust my gut and I have come to the conclusion that it could be because I can’t explain, or rationalise why I feel a certain way about something, or think I should make a certain decision. I couldn’t logically explain to myself why I shouldn’t take up the opportunity that I was offered, so I kept an open mind even though my gut was screaming at me to turn it down. After some research, I discovered that my gut was right and only after I could logically explain it, did I turn it down.

Trusting yourself and your gut takes practice and the more I do it, the better I’ll get at it. It’s crazy that I trust others and their decisions or opinions but not my own. The worst that happens when I trust myself is I make a choice that doesn’t work out the way I wanted, and just like when other things don’t go how I planned, there is always another choice that can be made.

I feel like intuition is something worth taking a risk on. When we get that gut feeling, we may not know why it’s swaying us to make a certain choice or to not go on the holiday. It can feel like we’re making a blind decision because there is no rhyme or reason behind the decision but I can’t think of a time where I listened to my intuition and was let down. It has always guided me to what I believe is the best decision for me at the time.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~Benjamin Spock

P x


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